Anxiety…. my problem, and this problem is continuous. This problem has been there for a couple of years and sometimes it good and sometimes it’s bad. It’s like a little worm wiggling it’s way into me and it’s hard to get at and take it out.
This past week has been exactly that, a wiggly worm that’s slowly found its way in during the course of the week and the last couple of nights I have snapped. Anxiety sucks!!
Anxiety is also a dick (excuse my French) it ruins everything, it ruins relationships and it ruins me! There’s been countless times where Ive ruined things because of my anxiety. All the tiny little things that ‘normal’ people would never think or even take a second glance at build up inside my head and eat away until I become this anxiety filled Sophie robot!! I’ve got to the point where I’m in too deep and I find myself saying ‘I don’t care‘ or ‘I can’t do it anymore’ and that’s not the right attitude for a 19 year old that has everything going for her!!
I’m scared, so scared…The one thing I’m scared about is loosing the people I love. Of course my family fits into that bracket but there’s that one special person who I literally can’t live without. And I’m scared I will loose him.
So after to countless crying sessions, endless panic attacks and asking the same question over and over again it’s time to change, and I have vowed from this day on that I will:
– not cry as much (literally I cry loads!) I need to start being strong! The bet is on! 😉
– smile everyday – someone once told me that smiling is contagious.
– keep positive and not think the worst of things – I realise I do this constantly and it’s only pushing people away. Positive thoughts always help!
– talk to the people who love and support me about my problems – ive come to realise that they are there for you no matter what!
Now ive said this I know I have to stick to it. I’ve tried the techniques and followed the instructions on what to do by the oh so scary doctors, but non of it has worked. So it’s time to self medicate, follow my own rules and instructions! Starting from today…..