A great big ball of ewwy!

So it’s may! YAAAAAY! The sun is shining ( sort of – England isn’t the best of places for good weather)  birds are singing and it’s time for a holiday! Which for me is coming in just under a week! 

Lovely week in the Lake District for me and my fella (plus the mother and fiancé) -_- but there paying for it so I’m happy! 

I CANT WAIT! 

Unfortunately this is also the time of year when everyone and there uncle has a cold. BOOOO! And I, like every other year are suffering. It’s just my look as well to get this before I go away! BLOODY TYPICAL! 
I woke this morning with a raging temperature a stonking headache and a lack of interest in everything apart from sleeping. Luckily for me I got my sleep in although I was then rudely awakened by the sun! 

Anyway after being rudely awoken and after a couple of hours catching up on my programmes it got me thinking, what to do when your ill. 

If your anything like me you’ll like to vegetate in bed, watch TV and chill out for the whole day. Stopping occasionally for a trip to the toilet and a snack or two but what do others do. 

Here are some suggestions:

Read a book 

Be creative – find your inner child and make a den to relax in for he rest of the day

Be boring and do some homework 

Sit outside and gets some air – enjoy the weather 

Light lots and lots and lots of candles and have a nice bubble bath!! 

If you are one of the unfortunate’s who have been blessed with an illness during the time where we should all be enjoying the sun and lapping up the Rays. Get well soon!!!! 

Yours Truly

Sophie x 

I Vow…

Anxiety…. my problem, and this problem is continuous. This problem has been there for a couple of years and sometimes it good and sometimes it’s bad. It’s like a little worm wiggling it’s way into me and it’s hard to get at and take it out.

This past week has been exactly that, a wiggly worm that’s slowly found its way in during the course of the week and the last couple of nights I have snapped. Anxiety sucks!!

Anxiety is also a dick (excuse my French) it ruins everything, it ruins relationships and it ruins me! There’s been countless times where Ive ruined things because of my anxiety. All the tiny little things that ‘normal’ people would never think or even take a second glance at build up inside my head and eat away until I become this anxiety filled Sophie robot!! I’ve got to the point where  I’m in too deep and I find myself saying ‘I don’t care‘ or ‘I can’t do it anymore’ and that’s not the right attitude for a 19 year old that has everything going for her!!

I’m scared, so scared…The one thing I’m scared about is loosing the people I love. Of course my family fits into that bracket but there’s that one special person who I literally can’t live without. And I’m scared I will loose him.

So after to countless crying sessions, endless panic attacks and asking the same question over and over again it’s time to change, and I have vowed from this day on that I will:

– not cry as much (literally I cry loads!) I need to start being strong! The bet is on! 😉 

– smile everyday – someone once told me that smiling is contagious.

– keep positive and not think the worst of things – I realise I do this constantly and it’s only pushing people away. Positive thoughts always help!

– talk to the people who love and support me about my problems – ive come to realise that they are there for you no matter what!

Now ive said this I know I have to stick to it.  I’ve tried the techniques and followed the instructions on what to do by the oh so scary doctors, but non of it has worked. So it’s time to self medicate, follow my own rules and instructions! Starting from today…..

Yours truly

Sophie x

More of a serious post.

Bit more of a serious post today!

Panic attacks are one of the things I hate the most about my anxiety and no matter how hard I try to stop them, they always seem to happen at the most inconvenient times; nights out, family meals, during films and half way up mountains. (yes a mountain…)

I’ll just give you an example to put things in to context. Recently i spent an extended weekend after christmas with family in the Lake district. Nice couple of days away, family all around you, drinking good quality champagne and the odd vodka and coke, it was good, I had a blast.

Second day in some of us decided to go on a 6 mile walk up to the top of a mountain and back down again and meet the rest of them in Ambleside. Now on normal circumstances i wouldn’t of had a panic attack but unfortunately due to some reasons i did. 😦

Me being such an anxious and not very confident person i started overthinking things, that morning decided to send that really familiar text to the boyfriend asking if every things okay! (Seriously i always send this text to him, Im pretty sure I annoy the hell out of him when I do that!) Anyway, my dad has been having some heart problems recently and he’s been thinking he’s going to die and naturally that worries me. Anyway he decided to go all macho and wanted to do this 6 mile walk that consisted of steep hills and unsteady terrain. I was worried all the way round. When we got to the final mile or two (the steepest bit) I started to panic! In my head i was thinking ‘what happens if he dies up here. theres no help close’ or ‘theres nothing i can do if something goes wrong!’. This eventually got too much and when my dad started asking questions i just snapped. I started hyperventilating, my chest got tight, I started crying and my brain went crazy with thoughts!

He explained to me that he wanted to do this for his benefit and prove to himself that he could do what he used to do in his childhood (he was a walker). So I eventually calmed down and we completed the walk. At the end I was so proud of my dad that he completed it, BUT at the same time I was angry at him for putting me through that!

The way I normally cope with a panic attack is I take myself from the situation, i go get fresh air and try to calm myself. It often helps to have someone there to talk to you about everything else apart from whats happening. (Although normally someone always asks if your okay and that really doesn’t help!). But sometimes there isn’t anyone there!

I went to the doctors recently to try and get this clamped down and they gave me some pills to cope with it, Beta Blockers, they really do help, calm me down, slow my heart rate. I only take these in certain situations though. (To be truthful im scared to take them! I don’t know why though, they are there to help me!)

All in all i am thankful for the people i have around me that are there for me and understand what I’m going through. Each and everyone one of them had helped in some way or another and I love them for that! 🙂

If anyone else has any ways to try and cope with panic attacks I would love to hear from you! Leave a comment below!

Yours truly
Sophie x